apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
