Ambien. No doubt about it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
