just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
