Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
