I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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