420 ftw
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They took my balls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
