I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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