I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
