I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
