can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
