i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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