Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize