Only a mothe r could love this liver
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
