I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
