I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
