his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
