I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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