we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
