Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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