i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
