The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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