Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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