I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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