Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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