he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
