How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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