We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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