When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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