Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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