they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
