I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
