Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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