her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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