there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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