hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
