and you said cock pushups were impossible
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
