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• (214): View more from Texas

  your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  we're not divorced.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.

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• (714): View more from California

  I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.

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• (831): View more from California

  Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I've peed outside too many times in just this past week

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?

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