I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
