relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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