Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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