yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
