He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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