My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just pee around me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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