Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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