just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
