The maid of honor just puked.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
