I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
