I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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