I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
