Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
