I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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