There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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