just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh god it's open bar.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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