It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Randomize
