His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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