i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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