why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
