People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
