I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
