Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
