Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
