how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
