Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
