Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
