I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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