When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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