just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
