It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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