I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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