He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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