Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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