it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
