One girl and one boy is just not enough.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
