We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
