Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
