Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
