ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he thought i was a dude.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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